Yes, I Have Social Media Boundaries
Perhaps it sounds crazy, but I have formed close friendships over social media. One of which is with @AmeliaStyles, AKA Millie, and she has been a creative in the blogging/Instagram space for years. Millie is super talented—she’s a stylist, a business owner, a mother, a wife, and she’s mastered the art of picnicking.
Millie and I talk… a lot. It’s been one aspect we’ve come to cherish about social media: the genuine connections and networking opportunities it provides. We also like sharing ourselves (i.e., the “creative expression”) on the platforms.
That said, we’ve also learned there is a lot we don’t like about social media. I’ll spare you our spiel on all the demons of social media (i.e., the comparisons, the fear-based mental funks, the time-suckers, the anxiety-drivers, yaddah yaddah). Suffice to say, Millie and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the unpleasant and unwanted ills of Instagram and the like.
While I generally feel pretty good about my relationship with social media—there are times I find myself drowning in the restless seas of content. I’ve confided in Millie about this, and she’s also confided in me.
The more I’ve openly spoke about this, the more I learn that it’s not just Millie and me—my husband feels this way, my sister feels this way, and my friends feel this way. I’ll go out on a limb and say the majority of people probably feel this way.
As someone who subscribes to a “plus-minus” philosophy—that is, adding only what provides value to life, and subtracting whatever holds you back—I’ve come to realize that I need definite minuses (i.e., boundaries) when it comes to social media in order to live a more fulfilling life.
Just like yoga, I’ve made stepping away from my phone a practice. I’m not perfect, but my goal is simple: when I feel I’m falling out of alignment, I bring myself back by finding peace within myself and embrace the present moment.
How do I do bring myself back? I bring myself back through my plus-minus approach (below).
My Social Media Boundaries: A Plus-Minus Approach
Plus: Add Time for Yourself
When I begin to feel myself slide into a funk, I know it’s time to take space for myself. Usually, taking space means adding a day to myself: to journal, to walk outside, to enjoy yoga/mind-body connection, to hit the spa, to breathe (I’ve been really into square-breathing), to find gratitude, or to simply connect with my family or friends.
Spending time away doesn’t always mean I completely stay off social media apps (although I have deleted the apps temporarily). It may simply mean that I realize I need space and commit myself to not posting/engaging for a while.
We are complicated creatures; we don’t always want to be stimulated. We need breaks. This is normal, and it’s more than okay—it’s healthy.
Minus: Remove Social Media Notifications
I’m the type of person that responds right away—I know this about myself. When I have notifications on, I will respond to my DM’s and comments as they come in. With my notifications off, I am less compelled to respond and better able to create space for myself. I also feel more carefree about likes and all that fun stuff.
Here’s how to customize your notifications on the Instagram app, and here’s how to turn off notifications on your iPhone.
Minus: Mute/Unfollow Accounts
Early on, I thought it was harsh to mute and unfollow accounts. Now, I find it essential to mute/unfollow accounts I compare myself to in order to “stay in my lane.” Even if it’s a glimmer of comparison, as Millie put it to me, it’s important to unfollow or mute.
Oddly, I found the accounts that inspired me most often led me into a land of comparison, so I had to say good-bye or silent. It’s not them, it’s me (truly!), but I learned it’s best to stick to my own shit and not get distracted by the other noise out there.
Minus: Don’t Overthink It
No one thinks about your online presence more than you do. Truthfully, the rawest version of you (the “unthinky” version) is the most attractive. If people like what you share, they will follow. If they don’t, they won’t follow (or they’ll mute)—and that’s fine.
Chances are the more raw you are—the more you share your truth—the more your content will resonate with others.
Plus: Add a Mantra, “Enjoy the Process, and Forget the Results”
When we attach ourselves to outcomes, our mind is drawn to the future and is automatically taken away from the present moment, where true creation and contentment exists.
In social media terms, the result may mean the number of likes or followers. Likes and followers are all fine and good, but fixating on those things tends to make us miserable and deprive us of enjoying the present moment.
If we don’t enjoy the process, what’s the point?